As June comes to a close, I will try to get back on track with life. Tips and tricks to making and writing music will start to overtaketake this blog (until football season starts). Once again, my Mom will be missed. I will post relevant pictures frequently until time has flowed through the river of life enough to wash away the pain. At the funeral I did have the opportunity to speak. I wrote and spoke this:

I want thank everyone who has come out to pay final respects to my mother. I will keep this short. I just wanted to say a few parting words before we all leave here and try to get our lives back in order. We all have something we will miss about Joan Ruff. She was a very dynamic person. I called my Mother every Sunday so that we could share our thoughts. and life occurrences. There is a thought I had that I would like to share with you about Mom. She was an anchor in my life. A rock solid anchor. She certainly gave me more of everything than I could ever give. An anchor. Any troubles I had in life, she was the first person I sought advice from. An anchor. Mom met a spectacular person named Ron Guldan. She always spoke highly of him. As timed passed, I learned that Ron was an anchor too. There were many times we all would chat on the phone for hours. My Mom would have wanted you all to know that you are still loved by her and she is always in your heart.

I have a listed personals ad at yahoo. I have edited and changed my ad many times. This was the best I have come up with so far. I decided to write the ad as I do before I strike the lyrics to a song. Cut out the unneccsary thoughts, and dive right into "the meat of the matter". Here it is:

Hi,
It is with pleasure that I get to meet so many nice faces. I thought I knew all about romance, the way a woman thinks, and the "secret" to passionate love. I have tried many different ads and have met many different types of ladies. I am not sure that I know any more about women today as I did yesterday. And I have certainly learned that each individual lady has a different experience to share and enjoy. I am that good man that seems to be hard to find (and just to let you know, sometimes I have a hard time finding this in myself too!). I think it is daring for me to express myself openly like this without ever having met you. But I am confident that you have some good qualities worth sharing too! I work hard, love to play, and dream big. Everyday life with me is not boring. I have 2 dogs that I love. I believe that any good relationship starts with a foundation built with bricks of honesty, communication, joy, and being dependable. And for that special relationship; all of the bricks are cemented with love. As long as those bricks of the foundation are never damaged, there is no end as to how high the structure can be built (I like to reference "pyramids", they are so fascinating!). I don't care if my ideal match lives very far away, or next door. My desire to search and find her is overwhelming. Maybe it is you? Maybe you will become a good friend instead...

Mom died today. She passed around 6 pm Eastern time zone. Her presence will be missed greatly by many people who knew her. I lost my best friend today.

I have been working fevershily on the music. Just to let you know, I am simply placing the singers voices into the mix (yes, including my own). Here's the problem: I am just an average (at best) singer. So.....I have to utilize many effects and changes in the recordin g of my voice. Reverb seems to be good. I can make my voice sound as low as that guy who does the 7 up commercials, "Never had it, never will". But also I can turn the pitch up so I sound like Beyonce. Go figure.

So, please give me some more time as I learn the intricacies of the recording studio. Yes, my mic sucks, and I have no pre-amp. I heard the pre-amp is the most important part. We shall see.

Be patient, as a flood of Football songs and taigate songs will proliferate! You might call me the "Pigskin Performer", or "Pigskin Poet" (I think the latter is already taken).

Have a good week!

Why does man make it harder for God to perform his miracles?

Dad,

I left you a message on your cell phone. Mom was disconnected from Life support system on Wednesday, June 8, 2005. She still kept on living. They removed the feeding tube. I was the only one against this. Mom had a "Living Will" which indicated to disconnect it. This is not the first time Mom and I disagreed. But, well, what can I say. I agreed to be fair. Only a true miracle will let her live. I compare this whole event to "assisted suicide". If you have something in your living will like this, maybe the best thing to do is to do what is natural, and that is to survive. Let God decide your "quality of life".

I was talking to Mom when I visited her, and a tear appeared in her eye. I do not remember telling anyone, but they all have shared their own experiences with me. how can Man decide the fate of another human being? This is God's job. Twenty years in the nursing home without any sign of her being "coherent" does not mean she cannot still love. I will post this letter on my Blog on my website, because it is my only vent to the world.

I do want to add that the Pope had died much in the same manner as Mom's inevitable predicament. He chose to have the feeding tube remove because he felt that with life there comes pain. This has sent me a confused message, maybe with hope that the other people involved in this case actually have made the right decision. That is why I agreed to go with what the majority willed, because I always do not see things in greater proportion.

It is in God's hands now. I hope he finds a reason to perform a miracle on this occasion. And if he does, I hope he makes it clear as to what it is!

Love, Gary

What's for dinner? 

There seems to be a storm brewing in Missouri, May 2005 (Note: Mom painted me a picture of a storm on the ocean in 1999. It was called, "Midnight's Promise".) 

Please ignore the bugs. I took this picture in May 2005 of the odd beauty of the region near Pampa, Texas. 

I don't know why this turned out sideways, but Me and Stephanie do not seem to mind! 

Hard at work! Good job Jimmy! 

Some one has caught a killer whale! I wonder who has to take out the hook? 

Marc Chris and Rachel May 2005 (a few moments after this picture, Me, Marc, and Rachel will be yelled at by Nieve for horsing around) 

Easton Madison Kelley and Jada June 2005 (Photo taken with cell phone) 

Jada and Madison June 2005 

Nick and Mike May 2005 

Nick and Brittany May 2005 

Well oh, well oh, well! What a month! May was full of emotional ups and downs! I thank everyone for their prayers for my mother. She is still in a "coma". I was told that she did open her eyes one time, but also had trembling. Maybe the trembling is part of the "reconnection" of her brain to her body? I can only hope that this is good news. Also, this past week was the first time I've been inside of a church for many, many years. If you like singing (I sure do!), then this little church called the Faith Chapel Church in Arlington is great!

I also must continue on with my life and projects. Last week I was traveling in the semi truck heading north on I-35 coming out of Dallas (near Denton Texas) when a vehicle was traveling very slow in my lane, the granny lane. As I started to change lanes, the cars in the hammer lane were starting to slow very rapidly, making the granny lane the faster lane. I was caught in the middle of the lane change and decided to avoid the accident and get back into the granny lane. The cause of this mess was a taxi cab (van) that had decided to slow down abruptly in the hammer lane and get behind the slow guy in the granny lane (follow me so far?). In reality, the taxi was aiming to get in front of me. He slammed on the brakes and came to a complete stop on the interstate! I stayed directly behind him and was able to stop my truck missing him by no more than 2 inches! Everything in the cab of my truck was thrown forward as the stop was extremely fast. My cooler, water jug everything broke open and it was a mess. Fortunately for me, there was nobody behind me that was not paying attention or drunk (this was a Friday night, 10PM)! The taxi took off and I continued on with water all over my floor.

Friends, I can only conclude one of three things: One, the taxi guy was committing suicide (and it did not work). Two, perhaps he was looking for the insurance (but this seems a bit risky since he could easily be killed). Three, the guy experienced some unpleasantness on the highway and became angered (and retaliated - I was unaware of anything I did to upset this guy).

This event has led me to my next song after "Tribute", which comes out in the next few weeks (really, it's almost done!). I am going to use the taxi story as my motivation to write, "Hey Jackass!". It will deal with the real issues of road rage, and I may take out a little anger of my own.!

That's the past week, the first week of June 2005. I'm sending some pictures of people having a good time (to follow). God Bless!