My letter to the world,

Last night I had a dream. I had a dream for what the future beholds, but at the same time I had a nightmare of deeds in the past. Reality caught me last night as I peacefully slept. I heard her knocks and let her enter my dream. I asked her what she wanted, and she simply wanted to take her child from me. She wanted the kid inside of me.

I was reluctant to give her the kid inside of me, for after all it had been inside of me for 39 years. She could see this and was very patient with me. Reality knew I could not give up my security of being funny, always having an audience, and always making someone laugh. She also knew that the world I kept inside of me, the fun, the good times and total enjoyment of living would not be the same world which all humans share together, this big world, this world we call life.

So last night Reality invited me to her party called life, but the child within me would have to stay behind. What kind of party has no fun? I thought. So she proceeded to enlighten to me. She showed me her vision of this great party through my own eyes. I could see the Governor in his white suit. I could see many men dressed fancy in coat and tie. I could hear on the surface, kind and gentle conversation always polite with subtle humor. I could feel the acceptance of the fanciful dressed women; the acceptance was not for me although, because I was dressed as the joker. You see, the kid was with me and I did not come across as polite, or kind. I did have humor, but I had too much of it. At this party I did not feel the acceptance or welcome. And whilst I am the man who does not care what other people think of me, I do care how I feel, and I did not feel accepted.

Reality showed me the same party as I was dressed impeccably, and without my child. As I entered the room eyes were shifting from the Governors white suit to my shiny black suit, and the beautiful woman I was with. Many people were eager to see us and every woman needed to find time to talk to my companion. I felt the warmth in the room, the acceptance of the crowd and knew that I did not need to be the center of attention to enjoy myself. I felt comfortable, trusting, and important. What a bright future I could see; respect, warmth, and acceptance.

What a nightmare I see as I look back; as I slide a little bit apart from the child inside of me, I look back into the past and see this wonderful party I described, in the eyes of my old ways. I see the damage done to others in the name of protecting my ego. I see the fake laughs as I hold my head high in a room full of haters. I hear promises of future engagements, but know they are vain. This is what I have built? My super strong, high and mighty, jovial self has built this? And all the fake people I see, I am one of them too? How did it all get away? I thought I had tight control over everything. Look at my things. Look at my success. Hear my talk of adventure! Don’t you wish you were like me? I guess the answer is probably, "not".

So tonight, September 18 at 3:39 am I leave the child inside of me behind when heading out the door. I think this will be a gradual transition since I have prior commitments to some of the fun I share. Important change takes time committment and steps in the right direction, towards the future. After all, that is how I got to where I was at yesterday. The path to success is the same. I have simply changed where I want to go. Reality is a “she” and without her I guess all of us men would remain kids forever. This is my contribution to the world for now. –Gary RuffSundayisFunday.com