Two Dadd's


What I have to say about having 2 Dad's

(Please Note: that most of my life from age 5 to now (almost 40 years) I never knew my biological father. I knew who he was, where he lived, what I was told, and even had a visit or two with him. That is who this letter is for, my biological father. The man I call "Dad" would be the man who is not my biological father.)

Dear (This is where I get stuck, and it is easier to just walk away and continue on living),

It is Father's Day.

I am a man of many words, but why I get stuck on this letter I'll never know why.

I will write, then edit my words. If you see this part, then I did not edit anything.

I think it is right to call one man Father, but I seem to have two. The reason I never developed a relationship outside of my immediate family was convenience. That is right. It was my choice.

But that choice was not made by deciding whether I liked you or not. From where I stand, you seem like a real good person. My choice was made because the path of least resistance was how I found myself living. Sure, I had dreams. Sure I wanted more things. But I am where I am at by the choices I made.

Today, I chose to do a little different and write to you Dad. It surely is not easy, and is definitely not the path of least resistance. Mom never stopped me from calling you, or writing you. As you know, Mom has passed away.

In today's society, everyone blames the the Father for this, and the Mother for that. But the simple truth is I never cared too much to talk to anyone in my younger years of life. I had a few very close friends. I hated holidays when Mom would shove the phone in my face to talk to the relatives. I thought that was normal. But as I am older, I see she was just trying to develop me.

I still am searching for the right word to call you. To call you Ron is not polite. I reserve Dad for Dad. I will keep thinking. Nothing has escaped my mind yet, except a little common sense from time to time.

I guess what makes this so difficult to do is that I have no one to blame but myself. Don't get me wrong, I prefer the tranquility and time I get to spend alone. Really, it is nor sarcasm. Very few people in life are happy being the “lone wolf.” Often the “lone wolf” is looked at as lucky, but often as sad too. I guess to explain how I am as a person seems like I am justifying my actions, or lack thereof. Just know that I am okay.

When a boy argues with his Mother, I think that boy should show signs of his Father. Mom told me one time that I did remind her of you. I think it had more to do with my style of arguing than the actual argument. Where I lost in argument was that I had no man standing next to me to know how I felt. I am not speaking of whether I was right or wrong, but someone who knew how I was as a person (sure, Mom knew about her half of the DNA, but she was experienced at using it). I had no one there who represented me in personality. Sure, I had justice (parental justice), I had the man code, I had many things, except the DNA which would help my case out a bit.

It sounds like I am blaming you, or Mom. But I am not. I just hope other boys who read this will understand why they need a father that is biological to them. When I was younger, I only knew that I wanted to be left alone. Sometimes I still want to be left alone. If tomorrow turns out the same as yesterday, then usually I am happy. That is the easy path.

As I get older, I want to take the best path, easy or not. Now that I am older, I will not need my parents to tell me what to do, or how to do it. When I was younger, I did. And when I was told what to do, I was defiant.

Well, I do not know how welcome this letter is received. I think the important thing is that I think my Dad, Wayne, the man who raised me, did the best he could. There surely is something to said about a man being cut from the same cloth, but I do not know about this.

By the way, this guy came to my house and asked me if I wanted to have the address painted out on the curb. So, I asked him if I could get the Steelers logo put out there. I wanted something people could see, not really small. Dadd, I was shocked. I have two Steelers Logos out there that seem like billboards! I know this sounds funny to you, but I live in Dallas! Lol! I just wonder when someone is going to spray paint some graffiti on it?

By the way, I think I found my answer. Dadd. You are Dad with two d's. It sounds the same, spelled differently, not by much, and still is respectful.

Love Your Son, Gary

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Peace Out, The Compusician

(PS In the note above I was going to say that I have only called one man "Dad." But that would be wrong since I cannot remember what I was saying before I was age 5, but I am sure that I called him Dad too.)