>Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own

pants.

>

>Marriage changes passion.

>

>Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

>

>I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

>So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

>

>How come we choose from just two people to run for

>president and 50 for Miss America?

>

>A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend

>will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

>

>I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting

>clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up

>in the first place!

>

>When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky

>dunk."

>

>Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able

>to tell the difference.

>

>Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply

>press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

>

>Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can

>in prison?

>

>Wouldn't you know it...

>Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

>

>Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments

>cannot be displayed in a federal building?

>

>Bumper sticker of the year:

>"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English,

>thank a soldier !!"

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